Wa, Wa, Waaaa!

I've been kinda lazy with my blog lately, I'll admit that.I really should make an effort to write everyday, at least 5 times a week, seeing as it helps to keep me focused.

My anxiety has been creeping up on me again. I had use of the car on Monday, so I went out to look for a few things for a couple of craft projects at home (an art project, reupholstering a chair and some other stuff). Seth also bought me some of those crazy Vibram 5 finger shoes on Saturday and I went looking for some toe socks to go with them. I've seen them at places like Target before, but of course the minute you start actually searching for something specific like toe socks, you can never find them. While I was out, I started getting anxious for no reason at all, heart pounding, shaky hands, that kind of thing. I wasn't dealing with being out very well. I would find some things to buy, but right before I went to buy them, I got anxious, shoved them on a shelf and had to quickly get out of the store. Don't know what that's about, but I haven't been dealing with stress well lately, just pushing it to the side to deal with later. I've been a bit of a hermit for a few months, not having daily access to a car might have gotten me used to being at home too much. Grr! I hate anxiety!

I hope I don't sound too pathetic. I feel like it sometimes. I was going through some stuff in storage and found a present I had gotten for my hubby to give to him when we got pregnant...I got it over a year ago. ug. that felt pretty pathetic. Oh, well, I do things like that, make plans,buy baby things, ect. because it helps keep the hope alive that it will happen one day. But finding these relics is kinda a downer too.

I hope tomorrow is better. Hey, if there is anything you guys reading would like to know or ask about, let me know. I'd love some topic ideas! This blog helps keep me going and I'd love to write about things you are interested in.

If you need a good laugh, just picture me wearing these:

http://www.vibramfivefingers.com/products/Five-Fingers-Bikila-Womens.htm

Everyone should have their dream come true...

Going through this journey, I have found that even though everyone's case of infertility is different, there is still a multitude of options to be able to have the family that you dream of. One of those options is adoption, and it is no less hard to go through than any of the medical options. My friends, James and Karen looking to adopt, and it has been a difficult process just going through all the paperwork and everything else.Through it all, they have faith that they will be able to start a family.

If you have a moment today, please check out my friend's slideshow they created for their adoption profile. James and Karen are great friends and would be wonderful parents. They have a great sense of humor and are very genuine and kind people. If you know anyone that might be placing a baby for adoption, they would love to know! They are very willing to have an open adoption as well. You can contact them at dream2beparents@yahoo.com

http://secure.smilebox.com/ecom/openTheBox?sendevent=4d6a49324e6a63344d546b3d0d0a&blogview=true&campaign=blog_playback_link

Laughter, the best medicine?

I came across this story the other day and I thought it was pretty interesting:

http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/health/2011/02/01/2011-02-01_medical_clowns_may_boost_ivf_treatment_success_laughing_may_lower_stress_raise_i.html

Basically, a group of Israeli women undergoing IVF treatments were given 15-minute visits from a trained "medical clown" immediately after the embryos were implanted. The goal of the study was to see if laughter reduced stress in the women and if that lead to better results. Well, the percentage of success was 36% compared to group that didn't receive any treatment whose success rate was 20%.

I really think that was a cool study to do, seeing as that kind of treatment would be really stressful and if I went through it, I would try anything to help, even if it sounded kinda silly at first. I know that laughter really helps me to relax, and I'm glad to have a husband that will do anything to make me laugh (though he does annoy me on purpose to make himself laugh sometimes).

I was also wondering what exactly Israeli humor is like. Apparently, the University of Haifa in Israel is the only medical school to offer a degree in medical clowning. Huh. So they must take humor pretty seriously, at least in the way they believe that it really helps with medical procedures. I just hope that it's better that Latin humor, the stuff they put on TV anyway. Never got the whole dress-up-an-old-man-as-a-red-headed-boy-with-freckles thing. But there are some things about American humor I'm sure other people don't get either. Like the reliance on fart jokes. Classic as it may be, it is a little crass. But I'll still laugh.

Woo-hoo!!!

Yesterday I called the doctor's office to see if hubby's test results were in. They had to track them down so I waited for their call. In the afternoon they finally called back, but said they couldn't tell me because we didn't sign a release. Wha??? The lab never even gave us one to sign! But the nurse who call me said that they had told my husband the results already. He didn't call me! So I waited at home way anxious but too nervous to call him because I thought it might be bad news and thats why he didn't want to call me.

But then he came home and the first thing he said was "Good News!". He passed the test! His boys can swim, yeah!! Everything was normal and good. I wish I could have talked to them, though and gotten more details, but it is great to know everything is good with him. Now if only I can get myself figured out and what I need to do. But we've got one step of the process down. But I'm feeling better and ready to move on!

Heres a little reflection of how I feel, Seinfeld style:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJBZDrUEYYo&feature=related

Infertility Insanity

Okay, so I haven't written in a few days. I've been a little unmotivated recently. I think going off progesterone has caused me to have more headaches because I've had migraines this past week. I know I can't take yet though, because I need to figure out a new dosage or different way to take it. To do that I want to see how my body performs without it. And I have to wait until a certain cycle day to be tested which is over 2 weeks from now. I know that I wasn't taking the right amount because before I started taking it I would have headaches and bad anxiety and depression. Then when I started, that got better. For the past few months those symptoms have been slowly coming back. And taking more didn't really help. So I'm trying to get that figured out. And it may be due to me not taking my supplements on a regular basis anymore. I need to get back on track with that, because those help alot. I was taking about 20 pills a day of different medications/supplements. Now I can get by with a basic 4, but should really be taking 10. In case you are interested this is what I need to take: thyroid medication, prenatals (good all around multi), iodine supplement (for thyroid),Vitamin D (for depression), Vitamin B (I have to take alot for my body to absorb, like 10 times the regular dosage), Salmon Oil (helps with depression), a special blend for Stress, Magnesium, a Pro-biotic, and L-Triptophan (prescribed for depression). The ones I have been taking lately are just thyroid meds, vitamin D, iodine, and prenatals. And I haven't been doing it everyday either. No wonder I don't feel my best.

My anxiety was kickin' this weekend. I was fine until Sunday, when I woke up with a migraine and a nauseous stomach. I only went to part of church, and starting crying in the middle of it. I get emotional a random times, I've gotten better at controlling it, but yesterday at church was a challenge. Even though I wasn't feeling well, I still felt guilty for leaving and not teaching my nursery class. I went home and slept, and the rest of the day was better, but I still had that upset stomach. My anxiety usually goes right to the stomach. Hubby helped me to relax and feel better, but last night I couldn't sleep and I kept thinking about something totally unrelated to anything I felt this week. I guess my mind just wanted something else to focus on. I don't know where this anxiety is really coming from. Maybe it's the progesterone or lack of supplements, maybe it's because I went to my sister's baby shower on Saturday and my mind doesn't want to deal with that, it's probably all of the above. I'm hoping to do better this week. Today I have to call the doctors office to see if they've got hubby's semen analysis results in yet, oh yeah, that's another thing that might be contributing. I better go play Dance Central right now, I'm in need of a mood boost. Hope everyone is having a good day!

Sigh!

Well, things went good at the hospital today, better than last time at least. So am I happy about that.

Last night, I went to Walmart and picked up some things for my sister's baby shower this weekend. I went to check out and it was pretty slow so I went to one line where a cashier from the next line over was cooing to a baby in that line. I walked up and she was like " Oh, I can help you over one this other line!". So as I was checking out she starts going on on how cute the baby was, ect. She saw the baby stuff I was buying and said " Oh, how old is yours?". I had to reply " Oh, I don't have one". I've gotten pretty good at saying those things casual, but inside my heart breaks a little. Its not nice to have to say that when you would love to be able to talk about your baby. But you don't have one. So you are reminded again. Oh, well, and its not like I hold anything against her, she didn't know. And that is totally fine.

But its like you don't belong to the club that everyone else is in with ease. Since I am still relatively new to my neighborhood, I am still meeting new people. There are lots of young moms around my age and I would like to be able to talk to them, but it seems like since their lives center around their kids, I don't have anything to talk to them about. I've tried, but once it comes to the "Do you have any kids?" or even worse the "How old are your kids?" questions, I have to be like "I don't have any."Most people are pretty cool, but them sometimes you get the most dreaded response, "Oh." then silence. I am really glad I have found some friends out here to talk to and are really nice. But I've gotten those responses too that are like "you don't have kids? what do I talk to you about then?". I know that they don't mean to reject me, but it feels like that sometimes. Anyway, I know thats not how it really is(I hope not!), I am aware of that, it's just sometimes its hard not to be sensitive.

Anyway, I'm not opposed to hearing about people's children. I like it because it gives me a concept on how people actually raise their kids, which is a skill that I'm going to need someday. I am really grateful to have good examples of Mothers and I just want to say "You Rock!" to all the mothers I know out there. Oh, and a special shout out to my friends Johnny and Trish who brought home their adopted baby girl this week! I love hearing good news from people who have struggled with infertility as well. It gives me hope and I get excited to hear it!

Awkward!

I was a little depressed last night, but I did yoga today and I'm feeling better. Its been a few months since I've done yoga, and I didn't realize how much I missed it. It can be hard, but I love that you get to relax and meditate at the end. Its totally worth it. Anyway, just a small update- we get to go in to do the semen analysis tomorrow! No, not really exiting, actually very, very awkward. Its not fun. But I am really looking forward to getting the results. We will see if my hubby's surgery

last June did any good. I'm nervous though! Wish me luck!

Oh, and don't be shy to comment on my posts! I love comments!