Fun for Today- 70s-tastic photo shoot!

This is what I did to enjoy myself today. I bought this fantastic chair from a thrift store a couple of weeks ago for $18. I absolutely love it. But the day after I brought it home, hubby asked "So when are you going to recover that chair?" and I was like "Don't you like it?" and he said " Its a bit too 70's". Hello?! that's what I love about it!! I absolutely love anything cheesy about the 70s, but he has a point, maybe it doesn't belong in a modern home. So I have plans to reupholster it, but thought it would be fun to do a photo shoot with it first. The pics turned out ok, but it was hard to get a good shot of it and me just using the timer on the camera. All in all, it looks pretty good. I was going for the rock and roll fan basement dweller look. I had fun doing it!

New Goals

Well, I've been in pretty awful moods lately, but have been thinking about some things. I have about a month before I get my thyroid checked again, and it would nice if it was functioning normally so I wouldn't have to worry about it. So my goal for the next month is to be a healthy as I can be. I'm a recovering sugar addict, and I was doing great for six months, only having a small treat once a week and not really craving it. Then the holidays came and kinda threw me off that. So I have goal to get back to that, which means lots of fruit until I get the cravings down. And chocolate chips will be an aide for that too. I like to put them in the freezer, and one small handful is enough to swash a craving. My other goals are to do some sort of exercise 4 times a week. This past summer and fall, I was working out six days a week, running every morning, 30 mins of yoga/pilates in the afternoons, and then an after dinner walk. Then winter came and I lost motivation (hey, its cold outside! and it gets dark way earlier!). I've manage to keep off most of what I lost, but it's slowly creeping back on, and I want to avoid getting back to where I was. So I'm going to start off slow again, but find new ways to exercise.

Another goal that is unrelated to the prior, is to do something that I enjoy everyday. I have the time right now to enjoy some things, so I should be taking advantage of the time I have now. Yesterday I took a bath in the middle of the day and read a book. And I drank chocolate milk and watched cheesy sitcoms on Hulu. Silly, yes, but I had a bad headache so it was nice to just relax for a while. Anyway, I think it will help reduce my stress if I look for something to enjoy everyday. So those are my new goals! Wish me luck!

My Worst Day

It's been a rough weekend for me. I'm doing alright now, but it's "that time of the month" and I'm prone to headaches, so haven't been feeling that well. Seems like everything happens to me at once. My sister having a baby, which isn't that bad but still have to deal with some feelings it brings up there. I was okay with seeing just the baby, but it was really hard to see her and her husband and baby together, it being their first child and seeing a little happy new family was the hard part. And then of course, I have to get my period. Really? But I had a good cry yesterday, so I got that out of the way. Yeah, but things just seem to coincide with each other right when I'm already feeling depressed/stressed.

Last fall I had the worst day. I got my period, found out my sister-in-law was pregnant(and it was pretty much a whoops! type thing for her), and got stuck it traffic for over an hour all on the same day. And it got worse. I called my husband at work to tell him not to take the freeway home because it was packed, and his supervisor thought it would be hilarious to get on the phone and make a joke about my husband cheating on me. Like that is ever appropriate. I really lost it! It took all that I could manage to be as polite as I could to the jerk, and that was to tell him to "Shut the hell up!" and also " I didn't call you, I called my husband, so could you put him back on the phone?!" I could've used a lot worse language, I'll tell you that. It took a lot of restraint not to, but come on! It was such an awful day. Anyways, things have been better since then, and I still have bad days, but I figure if I could get through that day, I could get through any bad day.

Anyway, sorry for the complaining. You know what I need? A good laugh. Here's one: the great chicken dance from Arrested Development. Never ceases to make me smile. If you've never seen it, I highly recommend it!

Watch a remix here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8x-7v3PJ6Eg&feature=related

New Life, Isn't it precious?

This is my new niece, she was born yesterday morning. I went to the hospital to be with my sister, who was not feeling well after the birth, but she did the whole thing natural! I'm so proud of her. Anyway, I don't really like hospitals, so I just focused on staying by my sister's side to help and comfort her. She was sad that she was feeling so weak so it was harder for her to hold the baby. She seemed to be improving by the time I left, though. I did pretty well, I felt okay most of the time. I just wanted to comfort my sister because she wasn't feeling well and she said she didn't think that she could do that again! and that it was harder than she thought! But she has a very cute and sweet baby. I love her already!

You gotta have faith...

There is a phrase that people use quite frequently, if you are dealing with infertility and other things too, that is meant to be comforting, but is just plain annoying. What is this phrase, you may ask? "It will happen when it's supposed to happen" There may be some truth to it, yes, but that does not help me. It's kinda like saying "oh, don't worry", to me that would be exactly the same as saying "oh, just stop caring about it" First of all, there is no way that I would not stop worrying about it. I could see how you don't want to be obsessive or overly stressed, but come on! After trying for over two years, I think I'm way past the breezy, carefree "oh, lets just see" phase. There is a time to be patient, and there is a time to act. That brings me to my next point, which is, it kinda implies telling you not to do anything. Well, I know that if I never did anything and just did the "let nature take it's course" thing, I would never get pregnant. How do I know this? Well, even if I didn't have any problems, my husband still did! If I had never done anything myself, I wouldn't have had the motivation for getting him to do anything either. So even though now I am in a "you gotta have patience" phase right now, I am still active, I'm still trying to figure things out.

So what would I like to hear instead? I really prefer "Have faith that things will work out in the way they need to"I like what the word faith implies, its something more active, it gives you a little more control, at least over what you are feeling, and it can lead to action. To some it might be a little preachy, but having faith is huge for me. I think I would've just given up if I didn't have faith that yes, I was meant to have my own children, and to have them with my husband. I have had experiences that have kept me on this path and have affirmed my feelings. Its hard, though, faith is an active thing, its not just something you have, its something you do, something you practice. Sometimes you are faced with things that you just don't want to do, and it takes summoning faith to power through them. Today, I was helping my sister organize her baby room in her new house. Was it the easiest thing for me? No, but she needed my help and even though I started to feel sad, I put it aside and just thought "Someday it will be me. I know it" And I kept having to say that until I really felt it. I am also trying to prepare myself for when she has her baby, which could be any time now. I excited for her and to meet my new niece, but its kinda a double-edged sword. There is joy in it, but given my situation, there is sadness in me too. But I know that it will be alright. I am stronger than I was before, and I know that I can get through this and be even more strong. Even if I feel sad or depressed, I will be okay.

Results are in

Hey, Everyone, I hope you all had a fun Valentines Day! Mine was good. Did all the typical Valentines Day things. You know, guys complain about having to get girls presents for valentines, when it's so easy for them. The holiday pretty much dictates: flowers, card, chocolates. No thought required! We girls don't have a that kind of privilege, we actually have to put more thought into what we give our sweethearts. I wonder what the male equivalent of flowers and chocolates would be. A video game and a bag of Doritos perhaps? I don't know....

Anyway, I've got an update. Got my test results back. Looks like I'm ovulating (good news), and my progesterone is in the normal range, but in my opinion still a bit low. My level was a 11.6 on day 21 which is good, you want it to be a 10-12, but higher is better. I talked to my cousin Tabby because she knows alot about this kind of stuff. She said that if you have a level of 10 then it means you ovulate, but it need to be at 12 for the egg to be big or developed(something like that) enough to be able to conceive. I could possibly do it with that 11.6, who knows?

I'd be more convinced if it was just a stinkin' 12! Anyway, my doctor doesn't think I need to be on progesterone now, but would definitely put me on it after I get pregnant. And he said he would prescribe me progesterone now if I thought I would feel better with it. I don't know. Even though it helped me feel alot better when I first took it, the past six months I've been using it, it seem to not be as effective. It did help just enough to take the edge off, but I've still been having depression. I think it helped me manage my anxiety better, I didn't get as panic-y. I am willing to try being without it, seeing as my levels are fine, but I know that it is something I had to be on for a while at least. I can always have him prescribe it if I feel I really need it again.

I also got my thyroid checked, and its now hyper when it used to be on the other side (hypo). Last time I got it checked, I had leveled out, but its one of those things you have to check more frequently and adjust your dosage as you need it. My doctor was going to reduce my dosage, but now wants me off of it for a month and will test it again. Hmmm, guess it will be something that I will have to try. I do think going on medication for it was something that I needed to do at the time, and do for a while. I'm kinda hoping that my body can readjust itself, it would be nice not to have to worry about taking meds. I still need my supplements, though, I know that.

Anyway, I'm super glad that I'm ovulating so I don't have to take a fertility drug for that. We will see how the next couple of months go. Hopefully, we will figure out what my body needs at this time to get pregnant!

Dealing with the Baby Brigade -plus- Some More Info on Reproduction

Today I get to go to the lab and get my blood drawn. It's been a while since I had that done, not my favorite thing in the world, but not too bad. I'm anxious for the results because then I'll have some more info on what other steps I need to take.

Now being my age, having tons of cousins, lots of friends, and just living in baby making central (Utah) in general, there is no end to the continual onslaught (maybe not the best word, but I can't think of another right now) of pregnant women and new babies. It's the baby brigade people, a parade of new babies that never ends. Oh, you think that it's over, that there will be a break from it at least for a few months, but no, just as it's finished, a new wave is on its way. It never ends! Which leaves us infertile women thinking that there is some magic potion that we aren't privy to. Or just something in the water that we don't absorb. Hey, if there was some sort of "magic kool-aid" to get pregnant, I'd gladly take it. Anyway, there's been a crop of new babies lately, mostly from my cousins. They are darling little things. But you always are end up feeling left out no matter the cuteness of the babies. I've got to prepare myself for a new niece soon and 2 new nephews in a few months. But I know that even given my situation, the best thing to do is to be a mother to these new children. No, they are not "mine" in the conventional sense, but that doesn't mean that I can't help raise them or be a good example or love them. And there are perks to being the fun Aunt. Anyway, it takes fair number of good people in a child's life to help them and be good examples. Just some thoughts for today.

Oh, and kinda on an unrelated note, it is quite the harrowing journey for sperm to reach the egg! I watched this video which doesn't really give much information, but I thought it was a good illustration of "The Great Sperm Race" :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6wlyDoDS1c

And this Nova program has more info on the sperm's journey and other things about pregnancy:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/miracle/program.html

Interesting stuff!