You gotta have faith...

There is a phrase that people use quite frequently, if you are dealing with infertility and other things too, that is meant to be comforting, but is just plain annoying. What is this phrase, you may ask? "It will happen when it's supposed to happen" There may be some truth to it, yes, but that does not help me. It's kinda like saying "oh, don't worry", to me that would be exactly the same as saying "oh, just stop caring about it" First of all, there is no way that I would not stop worrying about it. I could see how you don't want to be obsessive or overly stressed, but come on! After trying for over two years, I think I'm way past the breezy, carefree "oh, lets just see" phase. There is a time to be patient, and there is a time to act. That brings me to my next point, which is, it kinda implies telling you not to do anything. Well, I know that if I never did anything and just did the "let nature take it's course" thing, I would never get pregnant. How do I know this? Well, even if I didn't have any problems, my husband still did! If I had never done anything myself, I wouldn't have had the motivation for getting him to do anything either. So even though now I am in a "you gotta have patience" phase right now, I am still active, I'm still trying to figure things out.

So what would I like to hear instead? I really prefer "Have faith that things will work out in the way they need to"I like what the word faith implies, its something more active, it gives you a little more control, at least over what you are feeling, and it can lead to action. To some it might be a little preachy, but having faith is huge for me. I think I would've just given up if I didn't have faith that yes, I was meant to have my own children, and to have them with my husband. I have had experiences that have kept me on this path and have affirmed my feelings. Its hard, though, faith is an active thing, its not just something you have, its something you do, something you practice. Sometimes you are faced with things that you just don't want to do, and it takes summoning faith to power through them. Today, I was helping my sister organize her baby room in her new house. Was it the easiest thing for me? No, but she needed my help and even though I started to feel sad, I put it aside and just thought "Someday it will be me. I know it" And I kept having to say that until I really felt it. I am also trying to prepare myself for when she has her baby, which could be any time now. I excited for her and to meet my new niece, but its kinda a double-edged sword. There is joy in it, but given my situation, there is sadness in me too. But I know that it will be alright. I am stronger than I was before, and I know that I can get through this and be even more strong. Even if I feel sad or depressed, I will be okay.