So, I'm doing ok. Still dealing with daily headaches. Exercising is helping alot, but I still wake up with one, so I'll go out for a run and that helps, but by the evening it's back again. But on the upside I haven't had many problems with depression or anxiety lately, so I am happy about that.
My relief society president (from the women's organization of my church for my non LDS friends) called me and asked how I was doing on Sunday and since she knows about my infertility problem she asked me about how things were going with that. I told her I was trying to figure out my thyroid still, so I'm pretty much focused on that for the time being. And I really want to get it leveled out before I get pregnant. She said that I look really good and that I don't look like I have a thyroid problem, which was really nice of her to say. She sees me out running so she asked if that helped me with my weight. To be honest, I have had problems with not being able to lose weight before, but its always been within a normal range even if I'm heavier than I would like. I've gained 7 pounds back in the past 3 months, but I don't really care about that now. I've been feeling so crappy lately that all I want is to feel better, yeah and gaining weight back sucks, but really I've been exercising because I know it will help me feel better. If it didn't, I honestly don't know if I'd have the motivation to do it at all. Some days all I really want is to do is lay in bed and eat cake. But I know that won't help me. Still doesn't mean that I don't want to, though. Its hard to fight those feelings sometimes, but I just know I have to.
Anyway, I brought up that conversation because it did really make me think about how I felt about my thyroid issues. Sometimes it helps me to have people ask me questions because then I can really voice out loud how I feel and sometimes I say things in a way that I hadn't actually thought of before. So, yeah, it helps me to be asked questions. If you guys have any I'd be happy to answer them!
So back to knowing that I have to motivate myself...I do that because I do know that I am meant to have children. I don't know how or when, but I do know that I will. I've had spiritual experiences that have helped me to know that. And whenever I'm feeling doubtful (and I do from time to time) I can tell myself that yes, I know I am meant to have children, and to have them with my husband. Some people have asked me about if I would adopt, and while I am not against adoption at all, If I felt like it was what I needed to do, I would totally do it, I just know that I will have my own, with my husband. I just know.
Its funny because I went with my sister to her doctor's appointment yesterday. I went with her and took care of my niece (I did get that yucky feeling I normally do at the doctors, but got through it) while I was in the room with her. I was thinking "oh, boy, am I really going to be able to go through with this in the future?". Kinda made me laugh a little inside like " duh, of course you will, you wimp!". Anyway, afterwards we went to lunch, and she said to me that while we were there and she was looking at me holding her daughter, she thought to herself "Yeah, they're going to have their own. She going have her own someday" Can I just tell you how much that means to me? Really, it nice to know that someone else has had the same feelings I have had. It was a real gift.
So I am really glad I had that little boost of confidence. Well, the journey goes on...wonder what will be next?
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