Knowing

Its been a nice day. I'm finally caught up on laundry. Everything is clean and put away...except for the socks. I despise matching and folding socks. I have no patience for it. I always leave it for the end. So here I am writing in my blog instead of folding socks. Seems like a fair trade to me!

So, I'm doing ok. Still dealing with daily headaches. Exercising is helping alot, but I still wake up with one, so I'll go out for a run and that helps, but by the evening it's back again. But on the upside I haven't had many problems with depression or anxiety lately, so I am happy about that.

My relief society president (from the women's organization of my church for my non LDS friends) called me and asked how I was doing on Sunday and since she knows about my infertility problem she asked me about how things were going with that. I told her I was trying to figure out my thyroid still, so I'm pretty much focused on that for the time being. And I really want to get it leveled out before I get pregnant. She said that I look really good and that I don't look like I have a thyroid problem, which was really nice of her to say. She sees me out running so she asked if that helped me with my weight. To be honest, I have had problems with not being able to lose weight before, but its always been within a normal range even if I'm heavier than I would like. I've gained 7 pounds back in the past 3 months, but I don't really care about that now. I've been feeling so crappy lately that all I want is to feel better, yeah and gaining weight back sucks, but really I've been exercising because I know it will help me feel better. If it didn't, I honestly don't know if I'd have the motivation to do it at all. Some days all I really want is to do is lay in bed and eat cake. But I know that won't help me. Still doesn't mean that I don't want to, though. Its hard to fight those feelings sometimes, but I just know I have to.

Anyway, I brought up that conversation because it did really make me think about how I felt about my thyroid issues. Sometimes it helps me to have people ask me questions because then I can really voice out loud how I feel and sometimes I say things in a way that I hadn't actually thought of before. So, yeah, it helps me to be asked questions. If you guys have any I'd be happy to answer them!

So back to knowing that I have to motivate myself...I do that because I do know that I am meant to have children. I don't know how or when, but I do know that I will. I've had spiritual experiences that have helped me to know that. And whenever I'm feeling doubtful (and I do from time to time) I can tell myself that yes, I know I am meant to have children, and to have them with my husband. Some people have asked me about if I would adopt, and while I am not against adoption at all, If I felt like it was what I needed to do, I would totally do it, I just know that I will have my own, with my husband. I just know.

Its funny because I went with my sister to her doctor's appointment yesterday. I went with her and took care of my niece (I did get that yucky feeling I normally do at the doctors, but got through it) while I was in the room with her. I was thinking "oh, boy, am I really going to be able to go through with this in the future?". Kinda made me laugh a little inside like " duh, of course you will, you wimp!". Anyway, afterwards we went to lunch, and she said to me that while we were there and she was looking at me holding her daughter, she thought to herself "Yeah, they're going to have their own. She going have her own someday" Can I just tell you how much that means to me? Really, it nice to know that someone else has had the same feelings I have had. It was a real gift.

So I am really glad I had that little boost of confidence. Well, the journey goes on...wonder what will be next?

Simple Things

I've been feeling pretty cruddy lately. With working long hours on a film set and going through changes in medications, I haven't just felt normal for a while. I've been getting headaches daily again and I'm quite sick of it. But I don't want to be downing tylenol and exedrin all the time, when it really doesn't get ride of the pain anyway, just takes a bit of the edge off. But I had the day to myself today, which is nice to have some quiet time. And I did some yoga today. I'm amazed what 20 minutes of gentle yoga can do. I just did some simple poses, which don't even look like the would do much, but I tell ya, I had all sorts of cracks and pops coming from all over. I didn't realize how much tension built up in my body. And I feel so much better! Headache is gone for now! I am really grateful for that and who'da thought that just a few minutes of simple yoga could do that. I forgot how much better it makes me feel. I think that we tend to forget the simple things in life, when really that's what makes us happiest most of the time. Like laughing over something completely silly that makes no sense at all, or having hubby fold the towels, or a short walk in brisk autumn weather. Bouncing on the trampoline with my nephews, eating fresh raspberries from Grandma's garden, running down the beach and crashing into the water, or lunch with a good friend. I'm filling my head with happy thoughts so there won't be room for the headache. Hope you all are having a good day and think of something simple that makes you happy too!

Thyroid update

Things have been going good on the film set. Long days, but it's really fun being around lots of creative people. It's a nice change of pace for me, since I'm usually by myself all day, its great being around so much activity.

Anyway, I got my blood drawn yesterday and got the results today. My thyroid has gone back to hypo, which isn't that much of a surprise to me, but annoying none the less. Why can't the dang thing just work? Oh, well. So my doctor is going to put me on a different medication for it. I can't recall what exactly it is right now, but I'm going to pick it up at the pharmacy tomorrow. Then I get to go back in a month and get it tested again. Yeah. I am hopeful that it will work. They asked me if I still wanted to be on my previous medication (Armor), but I said I was willing to try something different. I mean, not that it didn't help me, it just didn't make a huge difference in how I felt, so I may as well try something else. I just want to get it taken care of, so even though it's not going to be the greatest trying something new, then testing, then repeating the same thing over again, I am willing to do it because I do want to find something that works. Plus I got a little personal spiritual message, or feeling, if you will, that I still need to learn patience a couple weeks ago. Dang. How much longer am I going to have to learn this lesson? I don't know, but I do know things will work out in the end. Anyway, I will update again in probably a week. Hope that I will be feeling better then. I've done ok on my goals, but haven't been exercising, with being on the film set and all. At least the people who are doing catering for it have lots of healthy options for the food, so I'm good there!

Brief Hiatus plus AWESOME NEWS!!

These next two weeks, I am probably not going to write much. My brother needs help with his senior film project, and I will be on set and all that. It will be pretty cool, and he is wanting to turn this project into a web series. We'll see about that in the future. Anyway, I'm going to be really busy. Wish me luck!

Oh, and great news! My friends Karen and James have been chosen by a birth Mom! I am beyond excited for them! If you are curious about it, you can read their blog. It's the only one on my blog list right now.

Want a Girl or Boy?: How diet can effect gender and other things in pregnancy.

I come across some strange facts sometimes, and here is one for you: According to a UK study, women who ate breakfast when trying to conceive were more likely to have boys opposed to women who didn't eat breakfast that were more likely to have girls. Cool, huh? While its not a huge difference they found, it does show you that your diet affects your baby even before you conceive! So it is really, really important to have healthy habits even before you are pregnant. Even if you just think you may be ready for a baby within a few years, you should treat your body well.

here's a link to the story:

http://www.ox.ac.uk/media/news_stories/2008/080423.html

here's one on how eating licorice can affect your baby (it's not good):

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/8292392.stm

here's one about the effects of stress in the mother on the fetus (reminds me that I need to meditate more):

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/10/081027140724.htm

And one more, about how what you eat during pregnancy will affect what your baby will like to eat:

http://news.discovery.com/human/pregnancy-diet-baby-brain.html

Hope you find these articles as interesting as I did!

Healthy Living

I've been kinda busy this past week, hence the lack of posts. I've also had chronic headaches as well, so really I just want to lie in bed when I'm not doing anything anyway. I'm serious, I've had a headache everyday for more than a week. I was fine yesterday, but then it came on again last night. I woke up feeling good today, but within a half an hour, there it was again! It's probably from going off my medications, but I don't know how much more if this I can take. Anyway, I was doing some research this morning and came across this article:

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/21950102/ns/today-today_health/

Granted, it's a few years old and most of the info is a no brainier. Eating healthy and exercising will help increase your fertility? No way! But still, helps me to keep up with my own goals in that, because I know it will help me. Because it gets really hard to not get frustrated. There are all these things that I have to worry about and make sure I do, and even if I do it perfectly, chances are I still don't get pregnant! And I see women who are unhealthy, don't exercise, eat whatever they want, and pretty much put no effort into it, and get pregnant. Don't you think that sounds a bit unfair? So I have to remind myself not to give up because whether I get pregnant or not, I still want to be the healthiest I can for me. I know that it's worth it no matter what! But there are still times when I get discouraged and feel like what's the point of trying. Hey, some days are more of a struggle than others, but in the end I know that I'm willing to do what it takes. Not that I don't have my moments of weakness or setbacks even, but I know I'm doing my best to move forward, as hard as it may be sometimes.

p.s. Oh, for my enjoyment today, I will be working on recovering that 70s chair and watching the ultimate adaptation of Pride and Prejudice, you know the one! Can I just fast forward to the part where he dives into the pond? Rawr!! I think if anything can cure my headaches, it's Colin Firth!

Fun for Today- 70s-tastic photo shoot!

This is what I did to enjoy myself today. I bought this fantastic chair from a thrift store a couple of weeks ago for $18. I absolutely love it. But the day after I brought it home, hubby asked "So when are you going to recover that chair?" and I was like "Don't you like it?" and he said " Its a bit too 70's". Hello?! that's what I love about it!! I absolutely love anything cheesy about the 70s, but he has a point, maybe it doesn't belong in a modern home. So I have plans to reupholster it, but thought it would be fun to do a photo shoot with it first. The pics turned out ok, but it was hard to get a good shot of it and me just using the timer on the camera. All in all, it looks pretty good. I was going for the rock and roll fan basement dweller look. I had fun doing it!