Here Come the Waterworks...

Well, my stomach issues are finally disappearing, but while those are waning, something else has come in the fill their place. Slowly it's crept up, and now there is no stopping it. Yep, its those dang emotions. I can barely keep hold back the tears. It started out as irritability, but it's turned into waves of crying. My husband, who seemed to be bothering me a lot has left me in Washington while I stay for a few more weeks. My heart hurts and I feel lost without him. In church yesterday, I welled up the whole time in Sunday school. This morning after a rough night of not sleeping well, my Dad said it was because I didn't go for a walk yesterday, and that I should really be walking everyday. Not only that but he's be criticizing my eating habits, which by the way aren't even that bad considering I can actually stomach real food now. Excuse me for getting a package of Oreos, Dad. Someone better alert the Obesity Police, you've got a fat pregnant woman here. Yes, I've gained weight, I don't need someone reminding me of that. I thought one of the benefits of pregnancy was getting a free pass to gain weight. Anyway, I know he doesn't mean it that way, and wants to help, but considering that I've felt up to doing more this past week than in the past 2 months, it hurts this hormonal gal's feelings. I had to go lock myself in my room and cry for an hour and I'm still not sure I'm over it.

Well, that's it for now, but good news is my baby is now considered a fetus and not an embryo anymore. Making progress. And I am almost out of the first trimester! I am excited about that! I'm hoping to actually show soon instead of just having a fat tummy. Oh, well, I'm going to continue to do my best. I really am trying.

Ultrasound and Baby Update

Just a quick post today. Hubby and I are off to Washington this evening for vacation and to celebrate our 5 year anniversary. I just wanted to post the new ultrasound pic. I had a doctors appointment yesterday and he said that everything looks normal and perfect! I could definitely make out the baby's shape and saw it move, kicking those legs and moving those arms! It was so amazing. Nothing can compare. The doctor said I graduated from the fertility clinic and all the staff signed a card for me. It was so sweet!

The baby looks so much bigger. I can't believe how fast it's growing!

Ch-Ch-Changes

Well, I can definitely tell that I pregnant. Take for instance, I am writing this at 5:00 in the morning, and no, I'm not at all a morning person. But I've been waking up around 4:30 everyday hungry. And not just normal hunger that you can put off until later. No, this is like I'm starving and my stomach is about to collapse in on itself. Which is really annoying because I love sleep and hate to be interrupted. So usually the stomach wins and I trot down to the kitchen for a snack. But then it's a little harder to go back to bed right away so here I am. Not that I'm complaining. It's actually really nice to feel these changes and know that I'm growing a wee littl' one. It's reassuring in a way because the first 2 weeks I didn't really have any symptoms and I was wondering if it was really true or just some crazy fantasy. But I know that it is real. I think that I can classify my symptoms into 4 main categories:

1. Constant Hunger

2. Constant Nausea

3. Constant Gassiness

4. Constant Tiredness

Now I usually have at least two of these at once if not all. I never though you could feel nauseous, hungry and gassy at the same time. Interesting. I have to admit that I've been neglecting my blog. There are just some day where I don't feel well at all. At first, I was only really tired and thought, "Well at least I'm not sick" Then I started getting a little queasy, which then developed into all day nausea, then I thought "Well, at least I'm not throwing up". Then I threw up. It's not pleasant, but I am still really happy and nothing could ever not make me happy about being pregnant. I got my first ultrasound on Friday and got to hear the heartbeat. It was amazing, and any thoughts of discomfort and illness went right out the window. My sweet little one. It's only around the size of a blueberry and only looked like a little blob on the ultrasound, but I only can think of it as a baby and feel connected already. It really is amazing. Well, I think I'm off to bed again. I post a pic of the ultrasound later and give a little more details.

Later...

So here's the pic! There's only one little nugget in there. I was half expecting to see two little ones in there, but I made my mind up that whatever it was going to be, it would be the best for my family. I am really happy and even now I know this won't be the only child for our family. Well, since waking up for the second time this morning, I actually felt pretty good. Good enough to clean the kitchen anyway. Seems like I most days I feel like I can't do anything, so I've got to take advantage of feeling up to doing something while I can.

I have a question for anyone who has gone through fertility treatments. The nurse practitioner that gave my my ultrasound and performed the IUI told me to be on progesterone until 9 weeks, but I've been doing some research and thought that it was better to do it until 12 weeks. I asked her about it at the ultrasound and she said that the placenta is developed enough at 9 weeks, I was under the impression that it wasn't until 12 weeks. I told her about having low progesterone in the past and thought it might be better to keep on it until 12 weeks. She said that I could, and it wouldn't hurt any to do it. I just wondered if anyone was on progesterone until 9 weeks or 12 weeks and wondered if anyone had an opinion about it. Anyway, thanks!

Pregnant Pee for Charity?

The past few weeks have been interesting for me. It is definitely a change being pregnant. I actually have felt ok, just pretty tired and exercise is more challenging, but I'm trying to do at least a half hour a day of something (mainly walking or dance central). I haven't been really sick and felt just fine. That is, until a few days ago. I have some nausea, not too bad, no throwing up just an unsettle stomach. It seems like its either that or hunger. I get soo hungry now! It doesn't come on gradually either! It's like I always need something in my stomach.

Anyway, other than that, I've been doing a lot of research about pregnancy online. I came across this really cool article. In the Netherlands, there is this organization called Mothers for Mothers that collects urine from pregnant women to extract the HCG to use in a drug called Pregnyl. This drug is used in fertility treatments for women who have problems with infertility. It helps to lower the cost of fertility treatments. How cool is that? I love that someone came up with this idea because anyone that has gone through fertility treatments know how expensive it is. I would totally do this. I'm peeing all the time anyway, might as well put it to good use. Anyway, I think that is so awesome! We should definitely do this in the U.S.!

Link for the article is below:

http://thestir.cafemom.com/pregnancy/121033/a_better_use_for_pregnant

Well?

Sorry to keep you guys in suspense, but I promise that I don't have any bad news. In fact, I have very, very good news! I'M PREGNANT!!!!! The IUI was successful! I went in on Thursday morning for the test and they told me that I would probably have to wait for their call until the afternoon. But low and behold, an hour and a half later I got a call that it was positive!! I literally squealed with delight! After I got off the phone I think I must have jumped up and down with joyful screaming for at least five minutes. I thought that if it was positive I was going to wait to tell hubby until he came home and do it in a cutesy way, but I couldn't wait and called him right away. He was pretty shocked but very excited! I think that I'm still a bit shocked too! It's kinda surreal to get that sort of news when you are used to bad news all the time. I am just soo grateful to my Heavenly Father who has given me the strength to get through this. And I am grateful for modern medicine and the miracle it has given me. I know that I wouldn't have been able to get pregnant without it. WOW..I mean, you get used to how your life is, it seems to never go anywhere, and in an instant it changes!

Anyway, I have been bursting at the seams wanting to write, but hubby and I wanted a chance to tell our family members first. He was like, "Oh, we don't have to tell people right away" and I'm like, "well, everyone knows what we've been doing anyway, and besides, I really, really want to!" I pretty much told my parents, my brothers and sisters (plus a few cousins and close friends) right away. There have been a few people that I talked to, like my sister, and ended up crying. Its been a long a challenging road, but I know that I am super lucky that it happened on the first try! I still can hardly believe it.

Anyway, things are great. Hubby has been fantastic and so nice. He made me an awesome salad when we got home from church and has been worried about my health and trying to keep me and "little bun" healthy. He even read some things out of "What to Expect when You're Expecting" to me. It's so fun to see him act so cute and concerned an excited.

Now I know that just because I'm preggers doesn't mean that nothing bad could happen so I still need prayers and good thoughts sent my way. I want to say thank you all for your support, your kind words, advice and encouragement. It has really lifted my burden and helped me to keep moving on! Thank you!

Oh, I have an ultrasound scheduled for the 23rd to check up on my progress. Maybe it might be twins? Hmmm? They didn't say anything to me about my levels looking like that, but it has crossed my mind.

So now I am in for a new kind of waiting, but I think that I've developed a lot of patience during this so maybe it won't be so bad.

I just have one more thing to add : VICTORY!!!

Pregnancy Testing, the ancient way

I'm doing a lot better. The past few day I've haven't been as nervous and have kept pretty busy. I still have my moments of anxiety, but thankfully I've been around a lot of people and that has kept my mind off of things. I went and saw the new Pirates movie on Saturday and hung out with friends. On Monday I spent the day with hubby and we went to visit some grave sites, then went to Ogden and played mini golf, he tried out the Flowrider (an artificial wave you can surf and boogie-board on), had dinner and just spent time together. So that was really fun! Yesterday I hung out with my sister and did some gardening and today I'm going to go to her house and help her plant things in her garden. So far, so good. Wow, I can't believe I go into the doctor tomorrow! Crazy. It kinda got me thinking about the history of pregnancy tests. I read something about it on the internet a couple months ago, but couldn't remember where I found it before. So I looked up some articles this morning and I like this one: http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art44462.asp . It's got some humor in it, which I like. So I guess if I want to find out, I can do like the Egyptians did: first pee on some barley and wheat seeds, if the barley grows, it's a boy, if the wheat does, its a girl, if nothing grows, not pregnant. They actually did a study in the 60's to see if this was at all accurate and it predicted with 70% accuracy. Interesting stuff. Anyway, wish me luck for tomorrow! Whatever happens, I know I've done my best. I was feeling really down on myself last week, thinking that I was doing horrible at everything in my life, and wasn't doing as good as I could. But then a comforting thought came into my mind "you are doing what you can right now. you are doing the best that you can with your circumstances. don't give up" I am so grateful for that. I know that I'm not perfect, but right now I'm doing all that I can do.

Oh, here's a pic of my new shoes! I think they're cute!

If I was a nail biter, my fingers would be bleeding by now.

So I have been trying really hard not to be anxious, trying to take it easy, but its been an awful struggle. And it's making me be in a really bad mood even though I don't want to be. My patience has been wearing pretty thin. But only one more week until the test at the doctors. I don't know what to think though. If it's good news I want to find out right now, if its bad news I don't want to know. I could probably take an at home test a few days before my appointment, but I think that I'll be too anxious to really trust any results I get at home anyway, so it might be best to just wait 'till I go to the doctor anyway. I don't want to jinx it or anything.

So I've been going a little crazy. I thought it would be good to get out of the house today so I went to the temple. It was closed, though, sad! So then I just sat on the grounds for a while and did a little meditation which felt great. After that I went and met my brothers for lunch which was fun. I was going to head home when I saw the new shoe store that just opened up and thought "oh, what the hey, I'll might as well go look". I thought it would be nice to get a new pair of church shoes, since it's been a while. That was a mistake. I tried on too many and before I knew what was happening, I was walking out with two new pairs. I justified it and told myself I deserved it, but now I'm feeling guilty about spending the money. Especially when I got home and found a bill for the doctor's office in the mail. Crap. That's not helping my anxiety! But in my defense they are really, really cute shoes. Oh, well, hope hubby isn't to mad about it. I would return them but they have a store credit only policy. Anyway, I might need to go meditate some more, or do something to distract myself. Wish me luck!