I've been putting up the good fight with my infertility. I say that in the way that I haven't been super open about it. Sure, people close to me know about it and that its hard for me. Of course it would be, that's understandable. But for the most part I try to keep my really dark and painful feelings to myself. So then ultimately, you feel alone, and you can't even explain what you feel to yourself. Its not just sadness you feel, it's anger, frustration, heartache, insecurity, failure, and so many more emotions in between. And you feel crazy and you need some validation about what you're feeling. You almost don't want to say it out loud. You don't want it to be true, even when you know it is. Just saying the word can be hard. Infertile. Barren. Useless. An epic failure of that which is supposed to be completely natural.
So I thought to myself that it would be nice to find a blog chronicling someone's daily struggles with infertility. But why not just do it myself? I've got to face the fact that it's no secret. I'm not entirely comfortable with everyone knowing what I'm going through. But I'm tired of hiding. It's going to be hard to lay it all out there. And I'm trying to make a change in how I'm dealing with it this year. This year will probably be a lot more intense, at least medically. And I absolutely hate medical stuff. Hate and fear it. It's a challenge just to get me into a doctor's office. But my resolve is strengthened. This will be the year for me to face some of my fears. This blog is the start. Now is the time to confess.
My name is Molly. I'm infertile.
Molly, this is so brave and beautiful. What a tough thing to share. I wish you all the best and I'm sure you will help others with your honesty and openness.
ReplyDeleteMolly, you are so brave and strong! I love that you want to share this and that you are willing to put your whole self out there for not only yourself, but for all the other lives that you will no doubt touch. You have been through so much pain and there will no doubt be lots more, but now that so many people can know about it, you will find that you have an ENORMOUS support group. So many people who love you, adore you, admire you. You're amazing and beautiful and your struggle and pain will touch other people for good. And we love you and I'm so sorry for all that you have gone through and for if I've ever been insensitive without meaning to. :(
ReplyDeleteCheers! And here's to strength!
ps, I'm going to email you a couple blogs that I know of about people's infertility struggles. Good luck, we are routing for you!
This is one of those times that u probably don't want to hear "I'm so sorry" but I will say your not a failure! I have had two miscarriages since nov 09 then cause I couldn't "be a real woman" and provide children (and other reasons) I ended up divorced again. I beat myself up for a long time it took me a while and I still struggle. Anyway I think you're really brave for starting a blog and giving everyone a window into your life. Hang in there
ReplyDeleteThanks you guys so much for you kind words and support. It means so much to me! Thank you all for believing in me. Kym, I know that you a strong and lovely woman. Trina, I can always count on you. Jennifer, you are so sweet!
ReplyDeleteMolly, I admire your faith and courage in creating this blog. I cannot even begin to understand all that you are feeling, but I want to make sure you know that we sure love you and Seth.
ReplyDeleteMolly to be honest I always thought you would be the one to get pregnant easy. I remeber when I used to call and talk to you during my three year struggle and thinking she has now idea how I really feeling and will never know. And I wish I had been right, cause I never wanted anyone else to go through what I had to its horibble! But one thing I know for sure is that I would not have my two beautiful children today if I had listen to many doctors and family members who said I would never get pregnant! My biggest secret for getting pregnant is unwavering faith in the lord. Through many prayers, blessing and fasting the lord let me know that I would get pregnant. So when I got that answer I decided I would do anything to get pregnant including 3-4 doctors visits a week, probably hundreds of needles, pills, dollars, tears, emotions, pregnancy test that all said NEGATIVE, and marriage problems. But through this terrible struggle it strengthend my testimony and I know now that the lord does hear are prayers and does answer them. And that Grandpa McCombs is my angle and the lord let him tell me I would be pregnant and help me through all the struggles. I love you and I pray for you daily you are in everyway my sister!
ReplyDeleteThat was beautiful. Molly I'm sorry you've been having this all this pain and felt like you had to keep it all in. I'm so glad you decided to speak up about what you are going through. We love you and are hear for you. I wish I could do more for you. Let me know if I can. I love you! You are so brave.
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