The thing is, I don't know the answers to these questions. I keep thinking that the answer will just come to me, I'll just know, but that is not the case. I realized that I won't know, I can't know, not until I have more information. But to require more information, it means, yet again I have to step into the scary unknown. I was downright terrified of what comes next. I picture it sitting there in the distance clouded in darkness, a blurry, undefinable shape, ready to strike. I wasn't sure if I was ready to face that just yet.
Today I went to the Temple. I went with questions in my mind. I wasn't sure that I would find any exact answers there, but I knew it would give me comfort, give me hope. What would happen? I was nervous. I won't tell you exactly what I experienced in there, but I will tell you I came out feeling confident and strong. I felt as if a burden had been lifted, and I knew that I had the strength to carry on. A smile, a lightness had returned to me. It would be okay. I just needed to keep on searching, keep on moving to find my answers. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I knew I could do it.
Right after I went to the temple, I went directly to my doctors office. I asked them to print out the results of all the labs I had done so that I could have all the information at my fingertips. I also asked them to refer me to a fertility specialist, and they referred me to a fertility center. I know that I need to go see another doctor. I need another opinion, more information, I'm craving more information. So I got home, called them and set up an appointment! I'm excited for it, but they couldn't get me in until next month on the 17th! Wish it could be sooner, cause I feel like I'm back in the game an ready to play! Oh, well. Just knowing that I'm moving on is exciting.
Anyway, feeling good today!
amazing!! I"m so excited for you, miss molly! Maybe keeping your temple attendance up will help you stay motivated and strong and confident! i like you this way! it's very encouraging. We are going to the temple tomorrow. It has been far too long.
ReplyDeleteMolly...I know it is always scary to step into the "dark" BUT I have learned that you have to step into the darkness for the light to come.
ReplyDeleteWhen I realized we had to do something more in order to have kids I prayed and went to the temple as well and then went to a fertility clinic in Boise. IT was the best thing we ever did. There are A LOT of options before you have to chose the "big boy" in-vitro. For us things happened that made that are only option..but they will open up your eyes to so many things. I once was talking with someone who said perhaps one of the reasons you were born during this time was so that you would have access to the things it would take to have a family..so true.
Be strong and hang in there...if you have any questions or wonder about anything just ask and I will try to help you.