Flawed yes, giving up no

I help out my brother... A LOT... and people say to me "oh, you're such a good sister" and "Wow! I wouldn't even do that for my own brother" and even " Can't you just tell him no?" I do do a lot for him, more that most people would, and I have said no on occasion. You know what my secret is to looking like the world best sister?(ok, maybe I'm giving myself too much credit now). Three words: Big Stinky Fits. Yes, I am a 28 year old woman that still throws fits. Now much of this has to do with growing up the youngest. I have one little sister that is 13 years younger, so I pretty much was the baby of the family growing up. Which means I get to throw fits around my family. I don't do it around most people, though, thus maintaining my facade of the perfect sister. Here is a sampling of a typical exchange with my brother:

" Molly can you do X for me?"

" What! are you kidding me? I don't want to do that! I've got a life you know!"

"Please? I need help and no one else will do it"

"Seriously? You know, I wonder what it would be like to actually get paid for doing work, since that never happens"

"Please Molly? I'll buy you lunch!"

"Ugh... fine, I'll do it. You don't have to buy me lunch, I'll see you in a little bit"

"Thanks Molly!"

Yep, that's how it goes. See, my brother knows that sometimes I just need to yell, and he know that I'll get over it pretty fast, and I'll help him because I really do want to. And a lot of times my brothers just laugh at my fits because they come out really sarcastic sometimes. It's true, sometimes I just need to throw a little fit, yell a bit, and then I'll get over it. This is something my husband is still figuring out about me. And I think that I can get away with it because my family doesn't take me too seriously. But I know that its a flaw that I need to work on, because as much as I want to, it's a bad habit. I can express my displeasure better to people I'm not close to, and even though those that I'm close to know about my habit and it's not meant to be personal, I can still end up hurting their feelings. And I hate hurting people's feelings! I can be pretty feisty during a confrontation, but I almost always end up crying because I feel bad about what I said. So I know that I need to work on that. I am really grateful for the time I have had to work on things and as much as it's been hard waiting to start a family, it's nice to have some time of personal reflection. I don't want to be the person that throws fits anymore. I have to come up with some alternatives to express myself. I know it will be hard work, though. And I do have a kind and soft heart and compassion for people, I just need that to be my first reaction and use it in a good way. I need to be better to my family. I don't ever want to say, "that's just how I am and I can't change that", because I do want to change, and I believe that I can. So here's to self-improvement!