Big weekend for babies, weird weekend for me

It was a busy weekend for me again. Sister-in-law #1 gave birth to her new son on Saturday morning and Sister-in-law #2 gave birth to her new son on Sunday morning. Yep, two new babies in the family, one from my side, one from my husband's side. It's kinda cool I suppose, but sometimes I feel like I have no way of fending off these swooping baby attacks. I try not to think about things too much, because sometimes I work myself up into an emotional fervor, but its a little hard to avoid when it's been put right in your face constantly. Anyway, I am sorta happy that they've had their babies, and that part is over, rather that seeing a belly on someone else and know that it's an emotional ticking time bomb for me. I know other people that are pregnant, but it is a lot harder when it comes from within your own family. The thing is, I really am happy that they are having children. I love my nieces and nephews. It just, I kinda grieve over the fact that I've missed out on it, and that when I have a baby, they aren't going to have cousins their same age. I think about that because I grew up with several cousins the same age as me and I loved it! I would really like for my future children to have that, and feel guilty if they don't. I know it's not my fault, but still... Anyway, it's not like there will never be a chance of my kids having cousins their same age, but every family pregnancy feels like a missed opportunity for me to provide that.

Anyway, I got some awesome news today! The fertility clinic that I had an appointment for next month had a cancellation and can get me in this Thursday! Woot Woot! I am so excited! This is going to be the beginning of something great! Wish me luck and pray for me that I won't be overly nervous at the doctors..I'm going to need it!