Horrendous Horrible HSG

I've had a really bad week last week. My anxiety was in overdrive and I was really obsessing and terrified that what I am doing won't work. I'd been taking Clomid and didn't really have any physical side effects, but I think that it was making my anxiety worse because I was having a much harder time controlling my thoughts. I been able to manage my anxiety pretty well, but it's been much more difficult to do that recently. And I was feeling totally neglected by my hubby. Not that he meant to or anything, he's just been really busy working on getting our back yard done that I haven't spent as much time with him. I felt so crazy this past week and really just wanted someone to take care of me and didn't feel like he was really paying attention to me or even cared about what I've been going through. So I was mad at him for a few days, but I think that was because it was easier to sorta put it all on him. So we had a very difficult, but resolving talk on Friday night. Infertility can be so straining on a marriage. Especially when you feel like you want to talk about it and get the stress out and your partner thinks it better to not say anything so that you aren't reminded of it. But really, I think about it constantly so I need to get it out somehow! Anyway, so he's been better at making sure I'm ok lately. Really all I want from him is comfort. I don't even want to talk about it all the time, it's just nice to be held and treated nicely. He took me out for sushi on Saturday night and then we went an bought Portal 2 and played it together and it was really fun! Oh, and it was a nice day, so I got to go work out in my garden which was really satisfying.

So this morning I went and had the HSG done, and hubby came with me. I think that it was really important for him to come and really see that I am going through some hard things. I was really glad he was there because it helped me alot. Ok, so the HSG was awful. First, they explained what they were going to do and I got all sweaty and my vision started going. I was thinking "oh, great, here we go again". It was a good thing I got to lie down for the procedure because I was pretty such I would've fainted if not for that. I was glad it didn't last for long because it hurt . It was more that just a "little cramping". I wanted to cry, but instead I think I just didn't breathe well. Then after it was done, my arms got the pins and needles feeling, and my muscles totally seized up. I couldn't move my hands or fingers at all and it was really painful. The nurse said I hyperventilated and that why I couldn't move them. So they tipped me back on the table and I was getting freaked out, so I did my best to breathe. Hubby massaged my shoulders for me so that really helped and just having him by my side was calming. It took probably 10 minutes for me to recover. But the good news is, they said everything looks good! My uterus looked well and so did my fallopian tubes. The nurse was really nice and she said that having that done can flush out anything that may be in your tubes and that most people have increased fertility for a few months after because of that. Anyway, so I am so happy! I was really worried that they would find something horribly wrong with me.

So for the rest of the day, I am taking it easy. I am just going to have a "rest day". I've got another ultrasound on Wednesday morning and where they will check for ovulation, so there is alot going on this week. I am feeling much better today, having got that done, I'm so glad I don't have to worry about it anymore!