I just don't know anymore....

Well, Things went ok at the doctor's this week, except that whoever took my blood must have been new because it really hurt my arm this time. Like she jammed the thing in really far. I'm not kidding, my arm hurt all day, and usually it doesn't hurt much at all. Icky. Anyway, the results came back good! They said the dosage was working for me, but I could go back to my other medication if I felt it was better. They asked me how I was feeling. Um, better but not my best. I just don't know. It never seems that any medication makes me feel tons better. I mean, I don't get as fatigued and things like that, it just seems like none of the stuff I've taken makes me feel tons better. Just that it takes the edge off, but its not like I feel like a whole new person or anything.

So its good that I've found a dosage that's (seemingly) working...good news, right? It's just...I don't know... I should feel happy about it, but I don't really. Not as much as I think I should. I just don't know if this is all I need to do. Yeah, my thyroid might be getting along ok, but I know that doesn't guarantee anything. I'm just soo used to being disappointed sometimes it seems like nothing will work. And when I felt like I was on the right track in the past, I still didn't get pregnant. So it's kinda hard to even trust when it's good news.

So my thyroid may be working, but I don't know if there is more I need to do. I need to find out more, but what? What's next? I'm so used to not having a definitive answer of " this will be the thing that will help you get pregnant, finally" that it's hard to even know what direction I'm going in.

For now I'm going to stay on medication. I feel like there is something else I need to know, or maybe it's because I don't feel like I can trust anyone when they say that I'm doing good, I don't know, but it always feels like there is always something else, some other challenge to face, some new obstacle down the path to overcome, and it's NEVER GOING TO END. Maybe I feel that way because that's how its always been with this whole infertility thing.

So I'm getting frustrated so right now I'm just going to take a break, then after that plan my next move. Don't know what that is right now, but I will figure it out sooner or later.